Fathers Day

Afghanistan 2011

It's Fathers day today.  I've missed it.  I didn't spend it as a father with my children, or as a son with my father.  This may sound familiar, probably because I have said it before, but that got me thinking...

When I was a child, Fathers Day didn't mean a lot to me, in fact when I wasn't such a child it didn't mean a lot to me.  It was, I confess, too easily forgotten.  (I think that's one of the reason we have mothers).  The thought of it being forgottten now brings a lump to my throat.  I miss my children and I hope they miss me.  I miss bedtime stories, even though they can be a pain.  I miss bathtimes, even though they can be messy and I miss teatimes, even though I do my best to avoid them when I am home.  I miss a lot.  I phone home regularly and, depending on timings, sometimes speak to my children.  It's a fine line between happiness, when my son just gabbles, however incomprehensibly, and my daughter says "Dadddeeeee", and disappointment, when he would rather watch television and she is screaming.  It's hard not to get emotional.  It's hard to not be there.

When I am at home, people always seem to say that children need their father to be there.  I agree but not completely.  Being a father is not about always being there.  It's sometimes about not being there, more particularly, it's about deliberately not being there.  I chose to be in Afghanistan, I volunteered to leave my wife, my family, my friends and my children.  I knew I would miss birthdays, parties, bathtimes, haircuts, potty training, ice creams, tantrums, decisions and occasions.  I knew all that and I still decided to go.  I decided to go for lots of reasons, but mostly because I thought it was important.  Being out here means something to me.  Without being trite, I think it's important to play your part, do your bit, stand up for what you believe and pay your dues.

People also say that it's a job.  Yes it's a job.  But it's not actually my job.  I left the army a long time ago, even though I still consider myself a soldier.  I now sell stuff, Yet here I am, in Afghanistan.  Doing my duty, however hard that may be.  Both my father and father in law were in the military and both spent time away.  I am immensely proud of both of them and now know a little of how they must have felt. Being a father means setting an example and, sometimes, to do that, it means not being there. 

So, on this Fathers day, I definitely haven't forgotten you, and though you may not have a card it doesn't mean I am not thinking of you.  This all sounds a bit old fashioned and is probably not very cool -

That's definitely also what being a father is all about.