For a little while I have wanted to write an email on the subject of touching. Bear with me. I know it sounds a bit odd. I have tried a few times, but it just keeps getting confused with lots of other things. A couple of things have happened that have, for one reason or another, delayed this email, but more recent events have made it seem more important that I write it.
When I arrived here I quickly noticed the Americans are very touchy. I mean they touch each other. Handshaking, patting shoulders and backs, high fives etc. It seems that they initiate some sort of bodily contact at any and every opportunity. Admittedly they are not as touchy as the Afghans, who touch each other all the time. It's very odd (and quite normal) to see two male soldiers or policemen walking around holding hands. (I can't quite imagine S, D and K all walking round holding hands - but hey, times change fellas...). Anyway, people all seem to be touching each other a lot more than I am used to.
It's very strange being surrounded by people but not having any contact with them. You could, probably, come out here and not touch anyone for the duration of your tour. How strange is that? Too strange obviously. That's why people manufacture contact. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Thousands of testosterone filled males, a few females and enforced, extended physical isolation. Never a good recipe. Horrifically, there was a gang rape out here last week, and reports of sexual assault are common. This is obviously the dark side of things but I can see where it comes from, even if I don't understand how it ends up resulting in that. I don't want to focus on that line, I am on about the good stuff. I miss it. I am trying to explain how it feels to not have any cuddles, I miss playing with the children. I miss holding hands. I miss waking up in the night and there being someone there. I am not going to get all mushy on you, just trying to explain. OK. Got that? Right. Well keep it in the back of your mind and read on.
Yesterday another British soldier died. Their death takes the UK service personnel death toll to 364. Almost 365. One a day for a year. That's a lot. I know some people would say one is a lot but it's not. 364 is a lot. This soldier died in hospital in the UK having been flown home from here. As soon as they died it was news. What wasn't reported was that by the time they flew home, they were already a quadruple amputee. This was not reported in the media. Because they weren't dead, it wasn't newsworthy enough. Personally I think losing all four limbs is newsworthy, but I don't sell papers. Almost every day we have amputees. I don't think anyone realises the scale of the injuries inflicted every day. I didn't. When the soldier died they became news. I am not sure what that says about us, the media or the world. Maybe something for a future email?
Just as an aside, when you have finished reading this email, go to the link below. This page lists every service man or woman killed in Afghanistan since the invasion in 2001. If you have time, just look through it. If not, start at the top of the page and put your mouse on the down arrow on the scroll bar at the side. See how long it takes to reach the bottom...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-10629358
Anyway, here's another link. When I heard about the soldiers injuries I wondered what sort of life they would have. I couldn't imagine being completely dependent on other people for the rest of my life. Maybe they would have gone on to do amazing things, maybe they would have been an incredible example of positivity in the face of adversity. Personally, I can't imagine never giving anyone a cuddle again, not holding my children, never being able to stroke someones face. I can't comprehend the thought of not being able to hold the ones I love one more time. Maybe that's why people here seem to crave human contact more.
Maybe I just need a hug.
Good to see another posting from you with, as I've come to expect here, some education and your more personal thoughts.
ReplyDeleteWhat you write about the numbers of those killed or injured, and how they're reported is shocking, while at the same time, sadly, not surprising. Such things rightly stir emotions and, as you've eluded to here, the British are not known as a nation who share their emotions easily.
I've never been in your situation, but do know what its like to be apart from loved ones. To miss both the deliberate and the often brief and innocent moments of physical contact which otherwise form part of normal daily life. Its such a basic human need yet when denied us , either through circumstance or intent, can make us feel so alone. I imagine those feelings were only amplified by your situation.
TOM